A “crabby” view

Getting married is a fun and exciting time in your life. There’s so much going on and so much happening all at once. My husband and I have been married for two and a half years, so I just want to give some encouraging thoughts to ladies about to get married or newly married. I had lots of help and encouraging words before I got married. But there are a few things no one mentioned. So this is just a few things I wish I would have been told going into marriage. To be honest you probably already know and expect all of these, but they can easily be brushed aside and not thought about but are all important. You will notice that all of the points go together, and coincide with each other.

1) You are starting a new life.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen 2:24)

Everyone had a culture they grew up in. Each family has their own culture. Whether you ever vocalized it or not, you thought as your family’s culture as “right”. If you went to a friends house growing up, I’m sure you noticed differences in the way they did things. I.E. Where you can eat, how much tv you can watch, traditions during holidays. All of this is your culture. As you and your husband get married you are joining two cultures and making one. You have to understand and except that everything isn’t going to be exactly how it was with your family. My husband is from the north and I’m from the south, so there are things that our families did very differently. You and your husband will take bits and pieces of your old culture mix it with some news things, and make your very own culture. You will make your own traditions and have your own rules, and they may not be the same as what they were for you growing up, but that’s ok. This is you and your husbands own culture and it will be fun to make your own culture together.

2) Change is coming.

Along with the culture thing, your life is about to change. Whether you are moving straight out from your parents or you have been living with girls at college, it’s going to be different. No matter how well you think you know your spouse, you really don’t!! You don’t really know someone until you live with them. You learn their flaws, their habits and their little quirks. There will be things that you have to change to work for both of you. If you are getting married and going straight into deputation you will get to know your husband really well (maybe more than you want 😉 ) with all the time in the car. That wasn’t the case for me. When Kyle and I got married, I moved straight out of my parents house. There were 5 of us in the house and there was always noise, and usually always someone home. When Kyle and I got married our schedules were pretty much opposite, so I would be at home while he was at work and I would work when he was home. It was so lonely and quiet. I never thought about the fact that the house would be so quiet, and there would be no one to talk to when I got home from work. I would turn on the tv, or music, or both just to have noise going on and not feel so alone. Now we are on deputation and we together 24/7. 🙂

3) Learn to accept and embrace the new things with a good attitude.

“Strength and honour are her clothing; And she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And in her tongue is the law of kindness.” (Prov 31:25-26)

Like I said earlier, my husband is from the north. The first time we went up north for deputation and to see his family I had an awful attitude. I wanted nothing to do with the north. (Whoops messed that up when I married into it.) I’m from the south and we are the best!! 😉 In Maryland they get together and eat blue crabs. You have to crack it and pull the guts out and not eat the poisonous part, it just didn’t sound fun to me at all. In fact I had a pretty junky attitude about it. But the experience was fun and it tasted pretty good. For me it was too much work for the small amount of food, but that’s beside the point. 🙂 That was something that was out of my comfort zone and different for me, but my husband was so excited for me to experience it with him. There will be lots of things that are new and different, don’t shut them down just because it’s not the way your family did it. Learn to embrace them and have fun with it!

And lastly..

4) Find an older wiser woman.

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (Titus 2:3-5)

This is probably one of the best things you can do for your marriage. Find a lady whom you are close to, trust and love and ask her questions. I promise you they will not be annoyed or bothered by you asking for their help. They have already “been there and done that” and can help you with many obstacles you will face, or questions you might have. Especially if you will be starting deputation or ministry right away. Ask them for good books you should read before getting married, or starting the ministry. There is so much that they can will help you with if you let them. No one is to good to ask for help, or to smart that they can’t continue to learn.

Thank you to all the ladies in my life who helped me before Kyle and I got married.

Hope this helped a little. Make sure to have fun and enjoy every minute of the preparation stage. Your wedding will be here and gone before you know it!!! 🙂

With Love,

Hannah

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  • 4 thoughts on “A “crabby” view

    1. Enjoyed your post especially because Sarah, Beau’s sister, just got married in December and I had wondered if there were things that she wish she would have known but didn’t know about marriage. As a wife and mother, you do all you can to prepare your daughter to be a wife and then of course wonder if you left something out! You did a good job of explaining the culture thing. (I have tried to eat a whole soft shell crab sandwich but was never quite able to eat more than the crunchy perimeter. : ) I echo your advice to “enjoy the ride.”

    2. Hannah, I love this article! I am so excited to see you and Kyle going through deputation. It is wonderful to get the opportunity to read this a few months after you wrote it, and know that you are continuing through it, as an example to the one that will be getting married soon. I love you both and know that God shines through the love you have for Him, and your husband.

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