A Matter of the Heart


I really feel inadequate in this area, but I pray that something that is said will encourage you as you seek to be a better wife and have a godly marriage.

Jamie and I have been married for 16 wonderful years. We have had ups and downs and tears and laughter. There have been many experiences and challenges, that when I look back, I know the Lord was preparing us for the work he has called us to in Chile.

During our time at Temple Baptist Church and Crown College, Jamie and I hardly ever saw each other. I worked a job and he was taking a full class load, while working a full time job as well. In the middle of all the craziness, the Lord, blessed us with our three beautiful children. Trying to balance marriage, children, and a full time job did present its challenges at times, but staying faithful to church and to the Lord, made all the difference. Little did I know the major challenge was awaiting us when we moved to Acworth, GA, to work in the ministry full time.

The challenges presented were often from my unwillingness to submit to my husband’s authority in the home and on the job. My actions sometimes appeared to be submissive, but my heart attitude was rebellious and that was the problem. The issue was not external but internal. It was an inner battle not an outward struggle. It was easy to blame my heart attitude on others;
especially my husband, but the truth of the matter is I am the only one who truly has control of
my attitude.

The first step they say to overcoming an addiction; is first recognizing there is an
addiction. Ladies, let’s just be honest. We all have an addiction when it comes to control in our
home and submitting to our husbands. We know, we know better than he does. (Really we do,
BUT that doesn’t matter.) The Lord’s command for us to submit to the authority and order HE
established in the home did not come with conditions that had to be met first. SO, what are we
to do? How are we to be submissive, when it is not in our hearts to do so? I must say, it’s only by the grace of God. Our relationships, good or bad, are a reflection of our relationship with the Lord. I noticed that if Jamie and I were struggling in our marriage, most of the time, I was being lazy in my devotional life. Loving the Lord helps me love my husband. I have tried to understand I can make or break my husband’s ministry. I try to be an encouragement to him by complimenting his preaching, keeping the kids under control so he can focus on what he’s doing, and trying to have a positive attitude (that is the hardest thing for me). I have to pray and ask the Lord to help me improve my attitude. I can tend to let my circumstances affect my attitude, and MY attitude affects everyone else around me. A submissive attitude is different than submitting actions.

These are steps that have helped me!

1. Keep your devotional life right – stay close to the Lord.
2. Be consistent in your prayer life.
3. Have your priorities right!
4. Be positive despite your circumstances.
5. Don’t be selfish. Put your husband’s needs before your own.
6. Have faith in the Lord that HE can do a mighty work through you. We can only do all these things with the help of God. “But without faith it is impossible to please him…” (Hebrews 11:6a)

In His Service,
Erica Smithey

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  • 6 thoughts on “A Matter of the Heart

    1. I was especially challeged by the words about how our attitudes have an impact on our families – the past week I’ve really been struggling, and oh. How it has made an effect on my kids! Appreciate your honesty and willingness to share! God bless!

    2. Thank you for writing with wisdom! While I loved reading about a wife’s submission to her husband, it is also great reminder of how I should be submissive to God and His Word, no matter the struggle to do so. I agree: our attitudes in submission is what God sees, and that makes a lot of the difference, every time.

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