Confessions of an Unsaved Church Member

When I was 8 years old I “asked Jesus into my heart”.  Everyone rejoiced.  I was taken to talk to the pastor where I gave all the correct answers.  Shortly after I was baptized.  One problem though.  That 8 year old was as lost as could be.

Over the next 14 years, I went through periods of not thinking about it to questioning my salvation.  Different things would go through my mind to assure myself that I was truly saved.

  • I know in my heart that I am saved.
  • I would compare how I was doing to others.
  • One time when I was 13, I and some church friends witnessed to a school friend. We felt burdened for this friend.  So I assured myself that I was saved because I was burdened for others.
  • I told myself that I said a prayer and asked Jesus into my heart. And I really meant it.  That means that I am going to heaven.
  • I told myself that I was a doing mostly all the right things. I was helping with different things in the church.  I was a pretty good person.

However, that was not the truth.

  • Jeremiah tells me that my deceitful heart was lying to me.
  • Luke 18:9-14 tells me that I am like the Pharisee who thinks he is better than the publican. That story continues to show that the Pharisee was in fact not justified.
  • Nowhere in the Bible did anyone ask Jesus into their heart.
  • Isaiah 64:6 tells me that my righteousness is as filthy rags. Romans 3:10 tells me that there is no one that is righteous.

How then do I resolve my dilemma?  I needed to examine myself to see if I was indeed in the faith.

2 Corinthians 13:5  Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves.  Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?

I needed to get past the “Christianeeze” and have salvation explained without the assumption that I understood what the words meant.  I knew that I was a sinner but not how much of a sinner I truly was.  You know….because I’m not really THAT bad….

Romans 3:20  Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

How many lies have I told?    Oops……Makes one a liar.

Have I ever stolen anything, regardless of its value (it is still stealing)?  Guilty.  Makes one a thief.

Have I ever taken God’s holy name in vain?  Not intentionally, but now I know that I have.  Makes one a blasphemer.

Have I ever looked with lust (adultery of the heart according to Jesus)?  I take the 5th.  We are also accountable for our thoughts.

Have I ever been unjustly angry with someone (murder of the heart according to Jesus)?  Yes.

Have I ever coveted something that was not mine?  Yes.

Have I always put God first?  No.

Have I ever dishonored my parents?  Many times.

Well it’s just a few white lies, a few stolen pennies when I was a kid, an innocent OMG, a normal human getting mad and wanting stuff.  Not a big deal.

Oh but it is indeed a big deal in the eyes of a holy God.  His standard or law is so much higher than ours that we cannot even fathom it.  If I told a white lie to my granddaughter, while not the thing to do, is not a big deal.  If I lie to my husband, it can cause some problems.  If I tell a lie to the IRS or in a court of law I could end up in jail.  What is the difference?  It is a lie in all 3 cases.  The difference is to whom I am lying.

While growing up I was taught that I was a sinner.  I heard it all in church.  I just never understood how serious my seemingly “little” sins/mistakes were.  What we have done is more than mistakes.  We should never downplay sin to justify mistakes.  We have to understand the seriousness of sin in God’s eyes.

How does God see me?  God sees me as a liar, thief, blasphemer, murderer and adulterer at heart.  I am guilty in the eyes of a most high and holy God.

James 2:10  For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

 I have broken God’s laws.

Romans 7:7  What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.

 Where does that leave me?

Revelation 21:8  But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

John tells me that I am a child of wrath and that God’s wrath abides on me.

John 3:36  He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.

I had never understood how very much I deserved hell.  I was guilty of breaking the laws of a most high, holy and just God.  There is a punishment when one breaks the law.  I was in line to face the wrath of God.  There is a penalty to be paid.

What now?

Galations 3:24  Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.

The good news is that Jesus Christ took that punishment in my place.  It was me that was supposed to be on that cross taking God’s wrath/punishment for my sin.  Instead God showed His incredible kindness and love toward me by sending His Son to die on that cross, taking my punishment, rising again and ascending into heaven to reign.

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Refrain:
Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

That was when I repented and put my trust and faith in Jesus Christ.

There was nothing I could do to make myself acceptable in God’s eyes.  I point to Jesus and say that HE did it ALL, He took the punishment and paid the penalty.  The bible says that only through what Jesus did can I get to heaven.  It’s not the prayer that gets me there.  Doing all the right things won’t get me there.  Being better than others won’t get me there.  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.  No man comes to the Father but by me.”  Ephesians 2:8 says “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves;  [it is] the gift of God.

In Matthew 13 Jesus tells us the story of a man who sowed wheat in his field.  During the night the enemy came and sowed tares throughout that field.  Both wheat and tares grew, looking a great deal alike in the process.  I was a tare for many years.  I looked the part.  However, I was not wheat.  In the end I would have been thrown into the fire while screaming that I was a Christian.

You may be thinking, “Why would you write a post like this when women who read this are most likely going to be saved women?”   Oh?   Perhaps there are others like me, sitting in church week after week, a tare among the wheat.  So, just in case-

2 Corinthians 13:5  Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves.  Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?

Praying for possible unsaved church members,

Yvonne

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 6 thoughts on “Confessions of an Unsaved Church Member

    1. Yvonne – thank you for your post. I was one of those who had made a “decision” but never realized how bad my sin was in the face of a holy God. I played the game for a long time but finally made the decision fully in my 30s. I always encourage those doubting to get it settled and not worry about pride and embarrassment as hell is far worse than what man may think. God bless you and your husband.

    2. Thank you for sharing this! All too familiar. Its so dangerous to ask for decisions with children. Vaccination against the gospel is usually what ends up happening. Whenever working with kids I share the gospel and give no invitation, allowing the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts.

    3. Praise God! I’m so glad to hear someone else testify that “asking Jesus into your heart” does not save and telling that “asking Jesus into your heart” is no where in the Bible. Personally, I think God’s choice of words, “believe” is perfect and perfectly simple. Do I or do I not “believe on the Lord Jesus Christ”? After much discussion, my husband and I have concluded that we need to tell people who Jesus is, what he did, and why he did it. We also like to ask people, “What do you have to believe about Jesus to be saved?”

      Thank you for your post.

    4. I made a profession of faith at age 11 but did not understand and the lady that dealt with me wouldn’t let me ask questions. I had doubts for 6 years and finally humbled myself and accepted the Lord. I am afraid there are too many people in the same situation. Thank you for writing about it. I, too, am a “sender mom”, as two of my daughters and their husbands are on deputation.(Charity and Jason Rishel, and Rebekah and Eric Elrod.)

    5. amen, i also thought for a whole year and half that i was saved, i heard it in my old church ask Jesus to come into your heart and i did but the change did not happen. It was not until I realized i was a sinner and deserved hell and by Gods grace and love He sent Jesus to take my place loving me while i was yet a sinner changed my life and brought me to accept the Lord as my savior. thank you so much for your honesty i hope this will be a testimony to others who are walking and talking Christianeeze. The truth will set them free 🙂 Rom 5:8, John 8:32

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