In China, I run around constantly with a million and one things to do! Clean the church, paint the church, decorate the nursery, cook meals, sing specials, organize activities, run errands, GO to church! I’m not complaining about all I have to do there, it’s not like anyone put me up to it; I actually like it. Sometimes though, I realize that I put myself in this “go go go” mode that I have completely missed the mark. What am I doing all this for? In my heart of hearts I want to be in China so that I can share the gospel with people, so that I can fully express the love of God with the young ladies that God has put in my life, but sometimes I just forget to. I know that sounds strange. How do you forget what your ultimate goal is?! I want to invest in the lives of others and disciple them in the truth, but I find myself filling my calendar and my days with so much busy work that I forget to accomplish what I really came to China to do. Romans 13:8 says,” Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.” There are moments of grace that God gives me and it’s in those times when the day is done and it’s just me in silence alone with my thoughts. Truths from His word start flying at me and I begin to question myself, “who have I invested in lately?”, “who am I discipling?”, “who am I intentionally seeking out to help?”, “who am I pouring the truth of the gospel into?” and “how much time out of my week is actually going into great commission work?” I had been too busy to reply to a friend’s e-mail, too busy to pray for my friend who has been dealing with a divorce, too busy with the “things of God” to actually “feed His sheep.” The devil plays so much into my comfort where I am deceived into believing I am doing exactly what God thinks is best. So many times in my heart I have felt conviction from the Holy Spirit and the thought, “you know I want a lamb, but you’ve brought me vegetables,” lingers in my mind. I know I need to be His hands and His feet and I know I need to be the listening ear to a friend or the sister who can speak the truth in love to one who needs it. It is the easiest thing and yet the hardest thing in the world to love another person. To truly love someone is to suffer for their sake. Who am I sacrificing my time and energy and resources for? I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to compel me to love others the way the Father loves us despite my unworthiness. Before I do anything in the morning, before I even get out of bed, I want to look at the cross of Christ. I need to remember that He loves us and that I love Him and because I am so in love with Him, I will love to do what he loves.