Sometimes we think that missionary or pastors wives have it all together. It’s like we put them on a pedestal. If they are in the ministry, they must be perfect, right? Well, there may be some perfect ones out there. I’ll let you know when I meet one. As a missionary wife myself, I am well aware that I struggle with the same things as any Christian. That is not an excuse, but it is, rather, a comfort to know I am not the only one with struggles.
As a missionary though, it sometimes feels like you must be the only one struggling. Or maybe it is easy for all of us to feel that way. I don’t know. On the mission field though, there are very few nearby in the fight with you and very few nearby to encourage. It is lonely to be a Christian. I can’t really describe the feeling of loneliness during those low times.
One thing is for sure – there is indescribable sweetness and comfort from the Lord that comes during those times. It is at those moments in our lives that we sense God closer than ever. Its Him and Him alone that comforts and fills with peace and joy and the promise at the end of our Commission becomes real. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Off and on in our walk through life, we go through seasons of doubt. Doubt shows itself in many forms. We doubt God, ourselves, and even doubt His calling on our lives.
Recently, I came to one of these seasons when language learning seemed to be at a standstill. When it seemed like my witness to my Buddhist friends was ineffective. When I felt like I was failing at motherhood. When I felt that I was completely alone on the other side of the world. I was failing. I was faithless. And I was doubting whether I was cutout to be a missionary at all.
But there was one place I knew I that I could run to where I have never felt alone. The presence of my Savior. The one who cares for me the most in this world. No one can ever compare to His sweet presence.
I came across a very familiar passage in 2 Timothy. The following verses really stuck out to me:
2 Tim. 2:11-13
“It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us: If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.”
One of the things that I noticed was that each scenario has a direct result. If we are dead with Him, the result is that we will live with Him. If we suffer, the result is that we will reign with Him. If we deny Him, the result is that He will deny us.
But the last one is a little different. If we fail to believe, it doesn’t say He fails to believe in us or that He gives up on us. It says, “He abideth faithful.” I’m so glad He is faithful when I am not. If Christ lives in us, then this verse is a great reminder that He cannot deny Himself! Because of His Son, even though I fail, I can be sure that He will never leave me.