I’d like to share something practical and simple which I hope will apply to many of you. I want to talk about how we can help our husbands carry the load, whatever that load is—starting a church, traveling on deputation, managing the pressure of a secular job, or serving in various ministries in your local church.
We have a very specific design, and we are created to be helpers in all of our husbands’ endeavours.
Ephesians 5:22 and Genesis 2:18 show us that this has been God’s plan from the beginning. To resist this carries the same logic as trying to force a square peg into a round hole. It’s pointless and hard. We know our God did not make us any less—just different. He made us to compliment our husbands. Like any well-functioning organism, there are different parts that play different roles; all are vital, but none are the same. Our God-given roles as helpers may vary from couple to couple ,and that’s OK. What one marriage needs may not be what another needs. We must follow and operate in the bounds of Scripture, but there will be differences in all of our lives.
So, how can we help carry the load in continually changing circumstances? How can we balance ministry, kids, work, studies, family and any other things life throws at us? I will share some things, both biblical and practical, that we can all apply in this area. You may have heard all of them before and, maybe, you do all of these things already. Truthfully, though, writing this reminded me of the important of this task and renewed a desire to work at it more. I pray it will do the same for you.
1. Walk close to the Lord.
I said we were going to talk about helping our husbands carry the load so why am I bringing this up? Well, I know that if I am not walking close to the Lord, I am incapable of carrying anything. The grace, power and working of the Holy Spirit within me is what allows me to be a godly wife. When i am not walking close to him, I am not really good for anything and can’t hope to possibly fulfil my God-given role as my husband’s helper. Above all, I am to love God first (Luke 10:27).
2. Pray for him.
My husband is very busy, and I don’t get to be with him physically most of the day. However, God is always with my husband. When I am walking close with the Lord and talking to him, I can intercede on my husband’s behalf. I know that our good God is listening and will answer those prayers that are in line with his will (1 John 5:14).
3. Encourage him.
Our husbands often do thankless work. I can’t speak for everyone, but I watch my husband, day in and day out, work, give, and help. It does him good if I can give some specific praise that really conveys that I appreciate what he does (not just flattery). I can express to him that I notice and appreciate how he provides and cares for our family, how selfless he is, and the way he treats others graciously even when it is hard. I need to be my husband’s biggest fan because there may be times when I am the only one on his side (Proverbs 3:27, Proverbs 15:23b).
4. Share his dreams.
Have any of you ever had to drag an unwilling child or pet somewhere he didn’t want to go? Isn’t that a fun experience? Often, I have felt like that obstinate child, unwilling to go where I am supposed to go out of fear, doubt, or, sometimes just because I am selfish or lazy. For the good of my husband and our ministry, I must strive to fight the temptation to behave this way. I have noticed that he seems full of life and struts like superman when we talk of his plans for the future and I express my confidence in his abilities and anticipation to see what he is dreaming of come to fruition.
5. Love him unconditionally.
The way we love our husbands must, often, be different than the way we want to be loved. As wives, we should be wise and strive to grow in our marriages and learn how to better love our husbands. Loving my husband often means showing respect to him even when I don’t feel like it. It means not making him feel bad when he, out of the blue, wants to go hang out with some friends. It means joining him in his favorite pastimes or just being physically present instead of washing that last load of laundry.
6. Be attentive.
I try to be attentive to things I can help my husband with or do myself that he would appreciate. It can be paying a bill, buying propane, filling the cars’ tank, keeping the house tidy, putting lunch on the table, helping the kids with homework, and even plugging in his phone or iPad. A friend of mine shared an experience recently of taking care of her kids and making sure they didn’t break anything or get into trouble while her husband was sharing the gospel with some people at their church. These sorts of examples seem trivial and often are not recognized as a great service. In reality, however, these things scream “I love you, I’m with you, and what you do is important.”
Of course, there will be different seasons, opportunities, and transition. Though life is ever-changing, filled with unpredictable circumstances, the Bible remains true. What God has told us in it continues to be His will. May we model our lives after the biblical examples we have been given and strive to be God honoring wives that really do fulfill the beautiful helping role we have been given by Him.