I can’t handle this!

“We’re going to have to change some things in our ministry”

…My husband said as he sat down to the table.

We had just had an awesome 3 day conference with some believers and friends from another city over the holiday… One where my heart was renewed, encouraged, full of excitement for the days ahead and the ideas we had for our ministry in the new area the Lord had led us to. I couldn’t fathom why my husband was saying these words to me.

“Why?! What happened?!” I asked (not even sure if I really wanted to know.)

“The police came…” and then my heart sank.

I mean it sank….to depths unknown.

How could this happen?

How could we spend so much time preparing this new building…to just get started…to see all our church members full of excitement over what God was going to do here. And then to just have to leave…to possibly have to leave them

..when they still needed us…

My heart shattered as my husband discussed the possibilities.

I sobbed uncontrollably.

And then announced to my husband, “I can’t handle this!”

What was it that I couldn’t handle?

I wasn’t scared of the police…of the persecution. I wasn’t scared of losing my home. I’m used to moving.

It was my heart. I felt like my heart couldn’t handle anymore. I felt like everyone we would ever love, we would also eventually have to leave. Our family, our son, our friends in Harbin, and now our family here…

On our train ride out of the city that weekend, I told God, “You’ve got the wrong person…I really really can’t handle this!! ”

It’s something I think many of us find ourselves saying or thinking that at some point...don’t we?

I can’t handle the stress of my job any longer…

The chaos is really getting to me!

I’m just not cut out for the ministry…

I’m just not a great wife…or mother!

I can’t handle it!

In these moments, we find ourselves losing sight of His plan for us. Yes, there are plenty of times that we, ourselves, can not handle the task set before us, but with Christ there is honestly no task too great for us!

Where we are weak, He gives us strength.

In fact, His strength is made perfect in my weakness!

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

His grace is sufficient for us. We can handle anything life throws at us by His grace. He gives us strength each and every time we need it.

It is up to us, however, to make the choice to seek Him for His strength and peace in our time of need instead of giving in to our emotions at the time!

On our train ride, I found myself having to make a choice. I could continue in my frustration, my heartbreak, my defeat. I could continue to lash out and give up. Or…I could choose to continue on by His grace and walk victoriously through my difficult circumstances that day.

When I try to face hardships in my own strength, I usually end up shattered…

But with His strength, I have learned there is nothing we can not face as followers of Jesus.

And no matter where my family is in this world

No matter where we call home…no matter where the Lord allows our family to serve…or how many changes we have to face from now until we are with Him

One thing NEVER changes. It is constant.

It is dependable. And it is Him. Jesus. He is our Strength.

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me….Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. – Hebrews 13: 5-6; 8

Let’s keep our hearts and minds focused on that. No matter what may come, He will never leave us. He is the same forever. And in Him there is nothing that we can not handle!

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  • 12 thoughts on “I can’t handle this!

    1. Understanding at the same time that you cannot handle it *and* you can handle it is such a hard balance to strike when the unexpected comes. I’d say you’re handling it well if you can write a blog post with the perspective that you have.

      I’ve been following your story on chinaramblings, too. I’m sure you have something even more amazing ahead of you, and I can’t wait to read what it is.

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