Lessons Learned and Still Applying


So I was asked to write about marriage. I really don’t think that I am qualified enough to be writing on that. Tony and I have been married this past November 26 years and I am STILL learning!!! 🙂

There are some things that I have learned over those 26 years of marriage though….and we have been in the ministry for 26 years.

One thing you have to learn in ministry is that your husband isn’t yours.

Yes, in the eyes of the world he belongs to you; however ladies, your husband belongs to God. You are his helpmeet in the ministry to help him not hinder him in it. If you get jealous that he spends time in the ministry or other people demand his time and it is like you never have him, then you need to get your attitude right. Obviously your heart isn’t where it should be. Yes I know he will have to adjust his schedule so that you and him can have a date night or he has time for the kids and even vacation time. However, if you are ALWAYS upset that he is ALWAYS at someone’s beckon call, then you need to make sure that you are right with the Lord. You can not help your husband if you think he is always suppose to be home with you and the kids. Ministry is a work and it takes a team to fulfill it.


Second thing, being submissive.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. ~Ephesians 5:22

Yes I used the DREADED word no one likes!! SUBMISSIVE!!!! I am not saying that I am the perfect example of this at all! I still work hard at it. I have learned though that when I submit to Tony there isn’t anything that he wouldn’t do for me. Being submissive is not a negative word. Do you think submissive is a ugly or negative word when it comes to God? Submitting yourself or yielding yourself to what He wants for you? And most of you would answer no to that. Then why is it that comes across negative or ugly when we use it in marriage? It is because the world has twisted it and made it that way. When in turn it is a beautiful thing. Ladies, did you ever think that when you submit to your husband that you are honoring the Lord? Did you ever realize that when you submit to your husband that you are showing him and others that you love him? Did you know that you are setting an example for you children? As you submit to your husband in a loving way, did you know that you children would watch you and in turn be submissive unto you and your husband when you ask things of them? Did you realize that submitting yourself to your husband that he in turn would be submissive towards you? Check your heart in the submissive area. Don’t say you are honoring the Lord when you are not submitting to your husband.


Third thing, taking care of your husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. ~1 Corinthians 7:4

And I am not talking about food, clothing or the house, which those are important. I am talking about intimately. You need to be taking care of his needs. You are the only one that is capable of that.

Whether your husband is in the ministry or not, do you realize the stress that he is under? And when that need goes unattended then it adds to it and sometimes he might be short tempered or agitated. When that happens you need to step in, because if you don’t Satan for sure will have someone that will be willing to take care of him. And let me just add in it isn’t good for you to go that long yourself. I know some might have little ones in the house and it is hard to do, then make a date night. Have someone take the kiddos then you and your husband go back home and enjoy your time alone. Surprise him…..he walks in the door and there are no kids make him wonder what you are up to. Before your husband gets home get freshened up. Don’t be in your pj’s, no makeup, hair in a ponytail greeting him at the door with Dorito breath. If you work and you are meeting him somewhere, freshen up your makeup before you see him. I know how it is working. I always try to touch up my makeup before I see Tony so I don’t look like I have had a rough day.


Fourth thing, you are his best friend.

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.  Proverbs 17:17

Be there for him during the hard times and the sweet times, and those in between times. You are the only one that he can truly confide in. You are the one that knows him best and loves him just the way he is. God gave you two each other to complete each other not to compete with each other.
Fifth thing, be each others strength.

 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.  ~Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I remember when our son Ethan got shot (another story I will have to share later) 5 years ago this past November how we were each other’s strength. We had faith in the Lord and He definitely was our strength, but going through what we went through we handle things differently. Where I was weak in certain areas he was there to help me through and where there were areas he was weak I helped him through. Basically, be there for each other.

I hope that some of my lessons learned will help you.

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  • 4 thoughts on “Lessons Learned and Still Applying

    1. Love this! Number one is my biggest enemy and I’ve learned that I just need to get my eyes off myself because our husbands could complain and say the same thing. They don’t get muh time with their kids or us either, but instead of complaining I’m learning to just enjoy the time we do have. I think what you said is so important. He isn’t mine.

    2. Great Post Stacey! All of the points are sooo true! #1 is something that I struggle with continually and you are right when that bothers me I need to check up on my relationship with the Lord! love you dear friend

    3. These points are a great read! As I see other women trying to live each one out, I am more than inspired to see that the Bible is their strength, and that this article is helping them stay encouraged.

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