Lately the words “not enough” flood my heart and soul. As much as I try to push it out of my head, the phrase keeps coming up.
…not enough time
…not enough organization
…not enough energy
…not enough talent
…not enough money
But truly, when I am dwelling on this phrase, what I am really thinking is “I’m not enough.” Do you ever feel like your busy with hundreds of thing but can’t do any of them right?
I feel like there is a constant battle in my heart. If I go to this event, I will not leave time to work on sight words with my son. If I go to this activity, I will not give myself time to visit the shut-in lady I have been wanting to spend time with. When I am busy with the work God has given me to provide extra income for our family, I find myself not having a clean house or energy to go grocery shopping, or cook dinner. I have found myself becoming so busy that I feel like I am not giving enough of myself to any of my responsbilies.
The other day Thatcher had a school project. He was to make a float for the teddy bear parade. Thatcher and his Daddy decided to tackle this project as a father/son team. They were very excited when they returned with all their supplies for a china float! A china float?? Where did they come up with such an idea? Did I not tell them a rocket ship would be cool? Well this whole battle in my heart to “be enough” to the moms and teachers at Thatcher’s school, caused a slight disagreement in the Cornwell house hold. You see, the idea for a China float came from my 4 year old son who became extra fascinated with China since China night at our Church, Vision Baptist. I put my own feelings and desires to measure up to others over letting my son choose and be really proud of his float.
This has really caused me to stop and think. Who am I trying to please? In all my business, what is my goal? Who measures what is success in my life? I am afraid, somewhere a long the way, I lost sight of the true purpose of my life. I have forgotten what a true gift I have been given to be a mom, to have a job, and to have such a wonderful place to minister to people. I also lost sight that God created me and loves me. He is the one I should strive to please with my life and service.
Why do I feel like I am running in a race and getting no where? Why is it that I try but seem to fail time and time again? Truly I have forgotten that I should not be the one running the race. I have, somewhere a long the way, laced up my tennis shoes, and decided I was going to try to run the race in my own power.
2 Corinthians 12:9: And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
As 2 Corinthians says above his strength is made perfect in weakness. So I guess the first lesson I am trying to learn from all of this, is that I am not not meant to be able to do it on my own. Then I finally let go, give it up, and give Him room to work! I want to remember that I can accomplish nothing outside of resting in Jesus to lead and direct me. My vain attempts at being enough, will always come up empty. HE is the only one who will always be enough.
The 2nd major lesson I am striving to remember and learn through my insecurities is that God created me and loves me. I want to please him. I am enough in His eyes. If my goals are pleasing others, and measuring up in a earthly perspective, then I have my priorities all wrong.
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
One of my favorite verses that I have to remind myself of time and time again is:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
I want to dwell on how much the Lord loves me. How he thinks thoughts of peace toward me.Not evil. His ways are better then my ways. My weakness is made perfect when relying on his strength.
I know I have a long way to go on this. And even today I struggle with letting Thatch pick out a cool valentine right out of the store, or be the Pinterest mom and make a cute homemade one that take 5.6 hours. No matter which valentine I choose to do, I am enough!!
So to my missionary friends…are you afraid you wont be enough when learning the language?
Are you afraid you wont be enough to be able to stick it out?
Are you afraid you wont be enough when you compare yourself to the missionary wife rock-star??
I promise you in God’s strength you are ENOUGH!!
Philippians 1:6- Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
from the heart of a Sender,