This is the last post to a blog series I wrote a while back. I have not yet posted the series, but I plan to soon. The previous three posts give the details of how my four-year old son started having seizures and through a series of tests we found out that he has a very rare genetic disorder that causes tumors to appear throughout his body and now has small tumors in his brain. But the story isn’t really about him, but about my reaction and how the Lord is helping me through it.
Too Much to Handle – Part 4 – God’s Grace
Up until this point, I had tried to deal with this on my own. I actually thought things would get better once I got to Egypt. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The problems multiplied after we landed. David got kidney stones, the kids and I stayed sick to our stomach for 3 weeks, there was chaos all around us as the government was trying to put an end to the months of protesting. I felt alone. I was overwhelmed. I felt like I had no control. I felt weaker than I had ever felt in my life. Up until this point, I had believed that I was a strong person. I felt like I could handle things. But one night as I lay in bed with Joshua waiting for him to fall asleep (He often had seizures during this time.) I was wondering how David was doing, and I realized that I was broken. This was too much to handle. I went to the bathroom, sat on the floor and started crying. Not the tears that slowly run down your face, the big tears that come with sobs and cries and pleas that soak the rug you’re sitting on. I began praying, confessing that I was away from the Lord, confessing that I was trying to do it all in my strength, and admitting that I was nothing, that I was weak, that I was in a great need of the ONE who had all control, who could comfort in all situations. I was in desperate need of the God of healing and the God of Peace! After a while, David heard my cries. He came and sat with me. We prayed and prayed and prayed. Nothing was kept within. Then, finally, we got up and went to bed. I can’t tell you how relieved I felt.
The next day I got up with a comfort and a peace and a hope that goes beyond words. The Lord is so good. I don’t deserve Him, or His grace and mercy that He so generously gives. I don’t understand everything that happens in my life, but there are a few things that I know. 1. I know that God is good. He is a God of Love, and he loves my family even more than I do. 2. God has a plan for my life and the lives of those in my family. 3. He has a reason for letting tests and trials come into our lives. 4. He will never leave nor forsake us, and when life gets too much for us to handle, He will carry us through.
Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.